Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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