What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize