margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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