i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
