yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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