i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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