sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
