It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
