Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
