im holly from the hills drunk
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
