I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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