Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
