Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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