my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
operation have a gay friend backfired
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
