he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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