I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
