you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
