Ambien. No doubt about it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
