we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
