ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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