dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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