yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
