you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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