Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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