Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This baby is an asshole
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
