she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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