Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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