I think I died a long time ago.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
