New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
