I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
