he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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