Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
