plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
