it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
