I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
