Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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