I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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