We got so high we made milksteak
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
