The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
