Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
