If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
