Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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