i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
third nipple confirmed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
