Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
