mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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