Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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