he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Damn victory sex feels great
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
