So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize