I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
