This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
