Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
