my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
