Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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