She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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