I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
