Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
