I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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