she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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