Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
