fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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