She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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