I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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