Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i came on her dog
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
