We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Vodka?
Forever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
