Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
