I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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