Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
