I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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